Friday, February 28, 2003


In Montreal (where I live) there's been a wonderful lack of snow clearing this winter season. For those of you who think that winter snow means 1" and we'll shut down the city, that's NOT what I'm talking about--I said I live in Montreal, not Toronto. I'm talking about the shit that comes down and blinds you because it's so thick you can't even see your hand in front of your face because if you open your eyes your ocular fluid will freeze. After all, with the wind chill, it's only -40C outside. (the C = Celcius...F = Fuck off with your Fahrenheit shit.)

So now I'm faced with this unbelieveable anus ripping thing that just happened. Since the city likes to hedge their bets with their snow clearing budget they haven't cleared the snow in months in the downtown core. According to some sources they've only managed to use 10% of their budget this year. Hedging their bet allows them to decided not to clear snow if the weather is going to warm up over the next few days and it's going to melt away...after all why pay people to clear snow, just fucking pay them to sit at home and pick their tax dollars at work...gotta love my city government.

I'm driving home from a friend's place. Get to my street, and of course there's snow clearing going on...why might you ask? After all this time? Simple because on March 1st people can't park on this side of the street or that side of the street unless the moon is full, and you're standing on one leg licking the anus of a dog underneath a gum tree (i.e. there are certain times in which you can park on either side of the street).

Now why is that important to them that they'd want to start clearing the snow? Because these wankers can start giving out tickets for being parked on the wrong side of the street.

There's a long pile of snow is right smack in the middle of the road. Long and straight down the middle almost as if a giant cat had puked it up some time earlier as it walked backward down the street...I drive a 2000 Toyota Celica (Yes yes, I know it's way to fucking low to the ground for this city in winter) and I can't get the car by the pile of snow. I decide to back up and narrowly miss ramming into the snow clearing vehicles that have decided to come around the corner and pick up the snow.

The car stalls.

I restart it and try to move forward. Now the pigfucker is stuck. Great. Just what I need with 30 tons of metal and gnashing teeth bearing down on me! I get out of the car to ask the guy to help me move the car, and what do my tax dollars do? The wanker starts bitching at me for sticking my car in the pile of snow that HE left in the middle of the road.

Needless to say I'm livid.

So I sacrificed him to whichever snow gods were around and the little gnomes that live in my car that make it run did just that...made it run, and it came free like that shit that's been hanging on for dear life... I have to back up my car in some bizarre car yogic fashion, and wait for this wanker to pass. So he passes, and I follow him down the street until I get to my place, at a snail's pace.

Finally I'm home, and I needed to vent.


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