Saturday, March 01, 2003

ICE WANKERS OR THE CONTINUING ADVENTURES OF MOTHER BITCH AND THE WANKTORY OF SNOW CLEARERS [RANT]

Ok. I'm calm now. I've actually waited a full 24 hours before writing this continued adventure in wankerland. The reason for this is because livid doesn't even describe how I'm currently feeling. Ever have one of those days when you were forcing your fart and all that came out was pure shite and you were in public? Well that's how I feel right now...just no skid marks.

So you've read what happened to me while trying to get home last night at 2AM, well this morning (or this afternoon) I went out to my car to drive off to go visit a client--fuck all of you who're going doesn't this guy work...yeah I work. I work for myself, and I work from home. It's cheap, keeps the overhead low, and I neither have to own a shredder, nor perform any Enron-nastics with my accounts--and couldn't find my car.

I've been trying to get rid of my car for the last little while (I drive a 2000 Toyota Celica) since it's just a pain in the ass in Montreal in winter, so walking out of the apartment and not finding my car is half way between a shit and a piss...terrifying and yet relieving.

I was sure I'd parked it in front of the restaurant across the street...I'm sure I did...or did I? Well finding it across the street a little further along with a parking ticket on the car was not fun, funny, funky, or fabulous. It was down right fuckin'. For those of you who can't remember, can't read, or are just plain retarded I previously stated that the city's goal is to hand out parking tickets. What did I get nailed for ? I'm still not entirely sure what flavour of crack they were smoking, eating, or ingesting through their butts, but they're claiming that I parked my car in a SNOW CLEARING ZONE, and that I should pay them $92 ($50 for the towing and $42 for the actual parking infraction). Towing? Across the street? Fuck you, you yellow snow sugar shack eating wankers!

What are they on crack? Is that what they're out to do? Fuck us in the ear and then cum in our eyes, blinding us for ever with the flavour of their joy? Really?

Normally when snow clearing takes place (if it ever actually takes place) these wankers are mandated to place signs on the side of the road so the regular people can figure out not to park on that side of the street. On this night there were no such postings. Nothing to say "Don't park here, bastard." Nothing to say "We're towing your ass if you park here 'cos we're fuckers." and nothing to say "We're wankers and inspite of the fact that we've used nought of our snow clearing budget we're doing are damndest to wank you for all the money you're good for two days before the official wanking date...after all we've got to practice." Yeah right. THERE WERE NO FUCKING SIGNS TELLING ME THAT I COULDN'T PARK THERE. Makes me want to walk into areas thick with people and let rip one of my New Jersey Garbage Heap style farts...

No fucking way am I taking this sitting on their cocks. I shit five times a day and my asshole bleeds more than enough for the entire planet (yeah I'm taking something for that.) Naturally I'm going to contest this ticket and shove it up Mr. Monsieur's ass. We'll see what these pigfucking turd eaters have to say about that...

Stay tuned...it could be a long haul.


[PAIN]

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